Category Archives: Food

Test test 1,2,3 is this thing on?

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So yea, its like 2/3 of the way through July and I haven’t posted since mid February. Way to stay consistent Brock. Ah well screw it. Nobodies perfect. I always said I wouldn’t post just to post if I didn’t have something to say. Not that I have anything earth shattering to say right now, but I thought it prudent to reach out to you loyal readers and tell you I am fine, all is good and I pooped three times today. I feel like million bucks.

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I got one of these with a buddy of mine. There was another but he’s in the freezer now.

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I turned these into this for mothers day this year. She was happy. I’m a damn good son.

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I am going back next month with a couple of these to fill up again.

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I got some of these.

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To ride one of these

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This one isn’t mine but I borrow him from time to time. I’m going to get my own.

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These three are still with me. Stop! Shut up! and Get Down! We keep shit real.

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Its almost Football season. Thank Christ!

So there you have it. A small pictorial to catch you up on the happenings these last couple of months. There is more, but for now I’ll close and just assure you I have more posts coming along.

So be nice, be safe, and enjoy your time here.

Semper Fi, and Let ‘er rip tater chips.

These are great days we’re living, bros

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………We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world, we’re gonna miss not having anyone around that’s worth shooting.

You know how I have determined I am getting old? No really. It finally clicked. See to me age is more or less a state of mind. I never was one to sweat or worry about birthdays or dread the big 30 or couch couch 40. Generally speaking I am a firm believer you’re only as old as you feel. I feel good most of the time. I may not be as spry as I was in my early twenties, it may take a little longer to recover from a hang over, but age to me is generally a non-issue. I have dated younger, older no trouble.

Finally it clicked to me. I am getting fucking old. How did all this come about, you may ask? Easy! I found a new favorite restaurant.

Pho Now. Its a Vietnamese food place around the corner from the house. I had read about it online a couple months ago. My brother finally went to it and said the food was good. I pulled in and tried it this past Saturday. Its really good. Imagine Thai food-ish but better.

Anyway I stopped in and ate there this past Saturday. I wanted banh mi which is basically a sandwich made out of French baguette. They were out of bread, so I went with a bowl of basically ramen. However this isn’t like the $.25 cent ramen noodles most of us ate to get through college or the service. This has beef and meatballs, bean sprouts, cilantro, carrots basil and jalapeños. Spicy and flavorful. It was almost like I was back on some street in Siagon, and Charlie was celebrating TET new years by shooting off fireworks down in dog patch. Ok maybe not that part, but it was really good. It was pretty cheap, and it was a mile and a half from the house.

I go home satisfied. I thought about that damn meal all freaking day. It was fresh, flavorful, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was like I had met my soulmate for christ’s sake. Don’t get me wrong I have had and made great food in my life. What was so special about this other then what I have stated above?

Now like three or four days later, I am still thinking about that damn food like its a woman. No really, I am not losing my mind goddamn it. Or maybe I am? Oh shit. I have been debating about going back for more of this food but, and I swear I have been having an internal struggle. “Do I go back so soon? Should a wait a week before I show back up? If I go again so soon will I seem desperate?”

See what I mean? I have gotten so old, I am now treating new restaurant and food find like I have met the next great love of my life. What the hell happened to me? How did this happen? What is next? Thanking god I can still get horizontal, pee standing up and regularly take a good shit?

I don’t like this realization one bit. I love that damn food and restaurant, but how I have somehow replaced the love and excitement for say a beautiful woman for that of a bowl of good gook noodles is troubling.

My only rationalization is that this is what its like to get old.

NOOOOOOOO!

I refuse to let this happen. I will go cleanse my soul with a good dose of internet pornography tonight. Right after I translate a few Vietnamese words on Google translator and decide what I am ordering for dinner tomorrow night.Phodacbiet

It’s Beginning to Look A lot Like..

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Elf…something. Just not Christmas. Where the hell has the time gone? It was Thanksgiving just yesterday and tomorrow is Christmas. Well not literally but you know what I mean. Every time I turn around it seems like another month has escaped me.

Thanksgiving this year was spent with friends and family. A special and admittedly belated thanks goes out to the Busby’s for allowing me to crash their thanksgiving meal after work. Amy outdid herself with stuffed mushrooms and artichoke while Allen deep fried a bird. A small group of us got together to share a meal. Its these times, I believe, where you can sit down with friends and family and eat together where one really appreciates what one has in life. It doesn’t take much to be happy, but when shared with those in your life it certainly rejuvenates one soul.

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That was my traditional Thanksgiving this year. Many thanks Amy and Allen. Oh and Debbie. That cranberry jello walnuts stuff was pretty damn good.

Ok that catches me up for November. Lets get to work on December. Pretty much all that comes to my mind so far in December is a simple, “WTF”

Of course Mr. Obama hauls ass to Nelson Mandela’s memorial service. Expected no biggie right? Sure. No Problem. Except one little thing. Well two little things actually. Barry pisses off the wookie Michelle Obama when he grabs a selfie with the hot blond white girl ambassador or prime minister of some nordic country sitting next to him. Second was the douche bag hearing impaired interpreter that really didn’t know the first goddamn thing in sign language. 

Yes its true. During Nelson Mandela’s memorial service the gentleman who was a foot away from the podium translating famous world leaders (including Obama’s) speeches into sign language for the hearing impaired was in fact doing nothing more then waving runners home on infield triples. I am not kidding. You can’t make this shit up, he didn’t “sign” the first word in accepted sign language.

Ok thats a little weird right? Its gets better. A day or so later when the news spreads that this poor bastard doesn’t know shit, he comes out that “I am schizophrenic and was having a hallucination” to explain his rather odd behavior while attempting to translate the speeches. Finally some truth. The guy is actually schizophrenic. Yep nuttier then squirrel shit. In fact has a criminal record a mile long. Charged with rape, murder and a half a dozen other violent crimes.

I have been thinking how crazy is this poor bastard and the situation he gotten himself into? What possibly could be said or done to take the spot light off this guy and be even more ridiculous then this buffoon on a national stage next to world leaders essentially playing retarded patty cakes?

Well you guessed it. Our secret service puts our fucking President within two feet of this guy! Don’t get me wrong. Mr. Obama makes Jimmy Carter look like Sir Isaac Fucking Newton. However I do not want to see our President next to some African nut job on the worlds stage attacked and hacked to pieces with a machete. Where the fuck was the secret service on this one? Oh I know. Probably with the NSA watching all the fucking porn I am surfing. Go USA. America #1!!

pissedAnd when you think Mr Obama can’t plunge us into anymore of a bizarro world, I believe he stroked off Raul Castro somewhere exit stage left. To think all Michelle Obama the wookie cared about was when she was overheard saying “dis nigga best stay away from those honkey bitches with his selfie picture taking ass”.

Changing gears a bit.

Lately in the news I have been hearing a lot about this musical act or this artist canceling shows at Sea World.

I guess Sea World in Orlando from time to time has musical concerts at the theme park. I don’t associate Sea World with national musical acts but I guess its a thing now. Hey all the power to them I guess. Its a free world after all.

Anyway as it turns out these musical acts and artists are canceling shows at Sea World because of a recent documentary concerning Sea World and their Orca whales. The name of the movie is titled “BlackFish”. I found it on Netflix this weekend and watched it. Its also on Apple TV and probably most video on demand pay per views with most regional cable tv providers.

I would suggest anyone to watch this movie. Like most documentary movies you have to take it all with a grain of salt and understand the writers, directors, producers have a certain agenda. You have to watch with an open mind, separate fact from opinion and conclude your own position.

All that being said, again I say watch the movie. It may open your eyes to something I can safely assume most of us have ignored or blindly accepted.

Most of you know I live in Florida. Most of you live here too. For those of you who live out of state, or in another country, Sea World is in my back yard. You know it as a Disney like attraction in Orlando. It is. Its a company out to make money. They do. I have grown up around the ocean. I kill and eat the animals I have harvested from the ocean. Generally speaking I think I have been a good steward of the environment. Never take what I can’t eat on the sea or land. Never needlessly be cruel to animals domestic or wild.

I have been to Sea World more then a half dozen times in my life. I know the Sea World company line. “We are here to show, teach, learn about the animals of the oceans”. You hear and see it on the news and TV. Sea World is no different then a zoo, whats the big deal? Right?

What Sea World knows and does to the Orcas (killer whales) is appalling and disgraceful. I can remember going to Sea World as a small child. Shamu the killer whale was the main attraction at the time. The original Shamu is long gone. Now its a whale named Tilikum.

What Sea World doesn’t tell you or the trainers at the time is pretty astonishing. You know trainers that used to swim and run the shows with the whales at Sea World whom by the way are NOT marine biologists with advanced degrees, nope just good swimmers ,is that Tilikum has killed as of today three people while in captivity.

You see every other marine biologist or zoological expert that knows anything about Orcas in the wild will tell you that Orcas do not thrive in captivity. Since Sea World has been banned in pretty much all the states in this nation where Orcas exist and in other nations from taking Orcas from the wild they have been using Tilikum as the head of their in house breeding program. Yep they stud him out and he has sired more then twenty killer whales in captivity with about eleven surviving today.

So whats the problem Brock? They are making their own killer whales now and not taking anything from the wild. That would be ok but heres the only problem. Tilikum as been in captivity for so long and is so emotionally screwed up what you see as a killer whale is not at all what a killer whale in the wild is actually like.

Look at it like this. Imagine if you will that from today forward the only way to extend the human race was to be artificially inseminated with cum from Charles Manson.

Tilikum killed his first trainer twenty something years ago while in a Sea Land park in British Columbia. From there Sea World brought him to Orlando where he killed a civilian (whom sea world claimed stayed in park over night and snuck in to the tank to swim with Tilikum) around the year 2000. Then again around 2009 you probably remember the news when Tilikum grabbed the female trainer and killed her in front of a crowd.

TilikumHere’s  some more facts Sea World will not tell you. Orcas in the wild live about as long as humans. 70+ years. In captivity about 35 years.  Notice the dorsal fin curled over in the picture of Tilikum? No killer whale ever observed in the wild has shown this dorsal fin curled over. Only in captivity does this happen to killer whales and its a sign of mental distress. Killer whales in captivity regularly bite and attack each other. Killer whales in the wild seldom do this. Killer whales in the wild mate and the offspring stay with the mother forever and live in autonomous pods for life with their own specific language. There is no recorded event in history of a killer whale in the wild killing a human. Only whales in captivity have ever killed a human.

What is this rant about Brock? I don’t even know that this is a rant. Merely a discussion and factual talk about what Sea World and other animal entertainment like organizations claim they are providing for scientific research and the reality of the almighty dollar.

I am a capitalist. Make money if you can make money. Even use a captured animal from the wild if you want to. Go for it. Wrestle alligators. Charm deadly snakes. Stick your head in a lions open mouth. Knock yourself out. Where I have a problem is the world of bullshit you use to misinform people with to gain acceptance and justify the inhumane and shitty treatment of the animals to the extent of deadly attacks on the staff and general danger to the public.

If I choose to go to a circus in town and see the animals and a pissed off elephant goes crazy and tramples me and my kid to death then so be it. I know the circus is bullshit and mistreat animals and its my choice. Im informed and I accepted the risk. If i am attacked and killed I should get nothing. If I choose not to go to the circus and give them my money then the circus gets nothing. All is fair and everyone is equally informed. See how that works? Pretty simple right?

Sea World will have you believe what they are doing with the Orcas, Dolphins, Manatees, Sea Lions, Polar Bears, and every other damn thing they have swimming in a tank is for science, and the betterment of human kind from the understanding of our environment. That is clearly a load of fat bullshit. Its about making money through the exploitation of wild animals. I think they have a right to do it and you have a right to choose to spend your money going to see it. However, in your freedom, do it with honesty and be informed. Sure you will see beautiful and intelligent animals. Just know that it is nothing at all what those animals do or represent in the wild.

Alright I have rambled along enough. Lets try and wrap this bitch up and make some sense. Easy. Everything in life is like this. This isn’t just Sea World and Killer whales. Its also Walmart and cheap shoes. Its Obamacare. Its religion. Its taxes. Don’t blindly accept the picture on the outside and what you can easily see. Don’t let anyone do the thinking for you. Be honest look for the truth and then decide.

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

Sunday Morning Math and the Single Bullet Theory

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What’s going on my faithful? Nothing new here. Work schedule has been holding my attention more then I’d like to admit, but I suspect this is nothing out of the ordinary for anyone else as well.

Lets talk a little about some simple math that I have been thinking about lately. In my day to day life in the back of my head I have been hearing two things, hunger and obesity in the US. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “what the hell got into your head to think of those two statistics?” HEY don’t judge! I hear the shit on TV in the background or see it on the internet while surfing for free porn. Whatever!

Anyway, it got me to thinking. All I hear about is the number of americans who go hungry and the number of americans who are fat fucks! So I spent about thirty seconds of Google-Fu to look up a few statistics.

According to most reputable sources CDC/FDA etc, one in six americans are “food insecure”. Meaning out of six americans one is going hungry. Ok I can see that.

Lets look at another statistic. According to most reputable sources again the CDC/FDA 1/3 of americans are classified as clinically obese. i.e. Fat fucks! If we take the same six americans above, two of the six are fat asses. Ok I can see that too.

Now lets look at the six americans. One is hungry or starving, two are fat fucks eating too much. What about the other three? Who are the other three? According to the IRS and Census more then 50% of the able bodied people of working age pay zero (0) taxes.

This is obviously an over simplification of some very basic statistical analysis. Granted the one starving and the two fat fucks of the six also count children not just able body work aged adults. One could draw many conclusions about the population of this country, but the simple undeniable conclusion remains. Who the fuck is in charge of this nation and how the fuck did we as a nation get so blinded to simple right and wrong to elect these imbeciles that may think these statistics are ok?

Forget Iran, Iraq and Israel for a second. Forget about some bullshit forced healthcare, and forget about what two gay men or women do in the privacy of their own homes.  Forget about Hector the illegal landscaper who cuts your grass or lays your tile. Forget for just a second the whack job retarded kid who couldn’t take an insult when called a nerd or pussy in high school then takes his crackpot mothers guns and kills all the teachers and kids at the school.

Forget all that shit for a second.

We have allowed. We have elected. We have sanctioned and put in power, people in this country who stand up and speak for us all, that very simply think its ok for one of you starve, two of you to eat yourselves to death, and three of you to not do shit at all but take a free fucking ride!

Who the hell do you blame for this? Bush? Obama? Republicans? Democrats? NBC? FOX? Wall Street?

Look in the mirror. Look at your neighbor.

Speaking of elected officials. This past week was also the 50th anniversary of the assignation of President John F. Kennedy. Its always the same. Oswald acted alone. Oswald didn’t act alone. Experts proved he could have gotten the shots off. Experts have proved he couldn’t have acted alone and had help.

Here is what I think. Who gives a shit who killed JFK? At least someone had the balls (or hairs for you powerful women out there :-P) to at least do something. No really. I am not advocating all out wholesale assassination of our inept elected officials. There is one undeniable fact. Its gets the point across.

Think about it for a second. These career politicians get into office and do whatever they like. Sure it starts out with the “serving his/her constituents” but soon its serving big interests with unlimited money. They write and create laws that protect their abhorrent behavior and what are we the people left with? I’ll tell you what we have. One of you starving, two of you eating yourself to death, and three of you not doing a fuck all to contribute anything to this nation.

How do we take back our government? Like I said, I’m not an advocate for murder and assassination but if I was an elected official and had a choice between say bankrupting the nation, saddling my kids, kid and their kids, with future debt and no hope for prosperity or overhauling healthcare in a way that protected everyone in a voluntary, free market way without the overzealous use of lawyers / tort law or the proposition of a bullet to my head, I could probably find a way to do the hard work.

Kennedy through our media over the years has been made into this “great President”. I mean when you get your brains blown out in front of everyone, sure I can see how survivors remorse and national shame would elevate someones legacy. What people fail to realize is Kennedy was at the time a mediocre trending towards “shit” president. Sure Kennedy did good, but he also did bad. A lot of people hated Kennedy and I am not talking a handful of southern racists either. His father Joe was a known scumbag and his brother Robert as the Attorney General was a shitbird. Robert got his in 1968. Shocker. Not really.

In the end JFK was laying major legislative groundwork to wrestle away more power and freedoms from you and I to give to politicians to act in a way…well to act in a way that they act like now. Without consequence.

If you think about it in 1963 it wasn’t that hard to blow away the President. Oswald did it. Probably. Most likely. He got a shot off for certain anyway. Why the conspiracy theory to this day? Probably to keep from showing just how easy it is for the people to take this country back and wrestle away the power that belongs to you and I instead of career politicians.

Its 2013 now. Chances are slim to none of successfully shooting the president. Hell you can’t even talk about it without raising concern. That being said we still have something more powerful then a bullet. We have the vote. Its just a shame that we have been bullshitted and indoctrinated by a media, special interests, and our own government that the one thing we still have does not carry the same weight and consequences as the other.

In closing when you hear the politicians and your neighbors talk about taking away your rights to guns and bullets, know that to them its no different then taking away your vote.

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

Changes

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cookWhat’s up faithful reader? Hope this update finds you well. I certainly can’t complain. I have some news, some observations, maybe a rant or bitch or two and well lets get into the meat of it all and waste no more time.

Lately I have been noticing change. Change in everything really. Obviously things need to change and change is natural. I don’t mind change at all and if I am prepared for it.  I usually welcome change. However I am a firm believer in that once a person or item or situation reached its fundamental pinnacle of perfection or awesomeness then it should be left alone. Of course this doesn’t work with everything otherwise things become stale and life would be boring. So although I preach and welcome the idea of change there is just some shit I wish would be left the hell alone. I’ll give an example.

Fruit Loops! With the exception of raisin bran or oatmeal I probably haven’t ate cereal in twenty plus years. Recently I have delved back into the realm of sugary children’s cereal for breakfast consumption. Now back in the day before all this Michele Obama healthy eating school lunch bullshit and other organic natural food kick there was an entire population of Generation X kids like myself that mainly subsisted on Fruit Loops, Happy Meals, and Totinos toaster oven pizza.

Last week, I bought a box of Fruit Loops Cereal. Right across the top of the box, right above that crazy fucking Toucan Sam with his LBGT friendly rainbow snout is the words, “made with whole grain.” I was like “oh thats nice a healthier option for the kids with anal parents.” I search throughout the grocery store shelves for the “old school gangster” Fruit Loops. You remember the kind made with white enriched full gluten crackling goodness in the three basic colors, and lacquered in pure sugar and the finest of high fructose corn syrup that left the milk in the bowl a rainbow tinged slurry of milk sugar that could keep a kid going all day.

Here I am slinging boxes of this fake Fruit Loop crap behind me in my quest for the real Fruit Loops of my youth. After standing in a pile of semi healthy boxes of Fruit Loops at my feet, and garnering more then one dirty look from a passerby and the fat pig in the electric cart who could not pass my General Mills cereal barricade I realize this new healthful brand of Fruit Loops is all there is for sale. Pissed off I grab a box (hey I am not a quitter and will try anything once) and I punt my way out of the pile of Fruit Loops around my feet swearing under my breath about another lost childhood staple and how the world is in a downward spiral to hell all somehow connected to this new bullshit healthy whole grain version of Fruit Loops.

The following week, I crack open the box one morning and pour a bowl full out. Right away I can tell the actual bits of cereal while still round seem to be smaller and more dense then what I remember of the crack like full puffiness of the originals. Secondly theres about three to four more neon colors in the cereal that I know were not in the original version. I pour in some milk and resign myself to the passing of another staple of my childhood. The taste was ok I guess, and while there was some semblance of the sugary milk payday at the end, it was just not the same.

Why did we have to screw with Fruit Loops? What did we gain? A generation of children grew up eating the old Fruit Loops. Hell Fruit Loops are generally the first real food babies are given to eat. My mother poured the cereal out dry onto the tray of my high chair and I ate those circles of sugary goodness before I could say my name and not crap my diaper. This is where I do not believe in change.

IMG_1476Good Change? A little over a year ago I said goodbye to my angel Golden Retriever Lucille due to cancer. As of this afternoon I now have three dogs in this house with me. A Cocker Spaniel, a Mastiff bulldog mix, and a full AKC Dogue De Bordeaux. Yea I know I haven’t quite got past the point of wondering if I am slowly slipping into “crazy cat lady” like insanity but so far so good. Everyone is getting along, no aggressive posturing so it looks like the pack is growing in size.

His official name is Coconut Head. All my dogs are named after characters from the movie Cool Hand Luke. I pretty much have the main characters of the movie covered now. Lucas, Dragline and now Coconut Head. (Coco) for short. Coco handles all the bets for cool drinks. “Coco we got us a bet here!”

In reality I don’t call any of them by their names. They are all referred to some size of “nug” or nugget. I have Little nugget (short for butt nugget) middle nugget and now big nugget or big nug. mmm yea no really I’m not losing my mind at all.

Anyway this is probably it for me. As I look around the house its not crowded and there is plenty of room for the four of us, but as it stands I can probably only comfortably walk these three dogs at a time. Its also probably on the threshold of lunacy I’ll have to try and  explain away to any future girlfriends I may invite over here.

More good change is Apple finally released the new iOS 7. Lots of people commenting that it looks cartoonish etc. In the end I am finding it a step up in the right direction from what we had with version 6. When it comes to electronics and computers most people get used to something and denounce change but in the end change is good in this case. The evolution of computers and science is based on change and without change well we cant hope to survive as a species. iTunes radio is also about six weeks away from driving the first of the numbered few nails into the coffin of Pandora internet radio. You heard it hear first folks. Watch.

Anyone been watching the final season of Breaking Bad? I’m on that every Sunday night like stank on shit. I am going to be sad when the series ends this next Sunday, but with change there is always something more. Saul Goodman the slick assed lawyer from the show, is getting his own series on AMC. Yep “Better Call Saul” is getting his own show. It will be a prequel of sorts detailing how Saul Goodman came to be the scumbag lawyer we all have come to love. I personally can not wait.

That’s about it.

Let ‘er rip, tater chips!

One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish

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So this past weekend I took a little trip with some friends to the Bahamas. There was fishing, diving, eating, drinking, and a good time was basically had.IMG_1342

Weather was flaky as we got started Friday morning with what was left of tropical storm Dorkian or whatever the hell it was that made its way past where we were leaving and where we were going. A little overcast but essentially do-able. (friends have a very nice 28′ Pursuit)

We get across and dodge most of the rain. Check in with customs, and bitch and moan about how beautiful the water is in the Bahamas and how the geniuses in our government are criminally ruining the water where we live. Less then one hundred miles away and the difference is worlds (or oceans in this case) apart.

We were staying about twenty minutes away from where we checked in with Bahamian customs and decided to start looking for lobsters on the far side of Gran Bahamas. It was overcast but the water was still crystal clear and one could easily see to the bottom at damn near any depth.

We basically went old school in our fist lobster hunt. You essentially toss over two ski tow ropes from the stern of the boat, jump into the water with a mask and snorkel some flippers and grab the end of the ski rope and hang on. The boat pulls you along and you watch the ground for the tell tale signs of lobster. Essentially a lobster looking at you from a hole in the ground. You can cover much ground this way, and believe it or not once you get situated and used to things its like your flying along in the water.

We saw shit that first day. It was getting to about mid afternoon and we decided to go and check into the hotel. We stayed at a place called the Blue Marlin Cove. Its like a hotel / marina. It has been recently overhauled and renovated these last few years, and I have to say the place was really nice. New, clean, all the amenities it seemed. Well except one small one. Reliable full time electrical power.

At first we didn’t even know there was any issue. We check in, get the room, grab a bunch of stuff from the boat and head up. My friend Kenny and I head for a shower while his wife Talisa and their niece went about unpacking and setting up the base of operations for the next couple of days.

Lights in the room were working, TV on. Nothing unusual. I take a shower. Thats odd, little to no water pressure and its not particularly hot. I dismiss it all because well frankly I didn’t care. I am clean and salt free at this point and ready to relax. Clean up get out of shower, get ready to let one of the girls use it if they want then it happens. “Flicker” power out, on everything except a couple lights and the TV.  No water at all. Its like 4pm. We’ve been in a boat since 7:30-8am crossed the Atlantic between Florida and the Bahamas and Talisa and her niece have a look on their faces like, well lets just say, it was a look like “I should kill your two asses for taking a shower first. (meaning Kenny and I)

Now I have fought grizzly bears, mountain lion, an occasional homeless women in a free government cheese and food stamp lottery line. I was damn well smart enough to know not to say a world, not to look Talisa in the face and make eye contact. Don’t offer her a drink, don’t say shit. I have read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by god and this was a Nagasaki nuclear bomb about to go all level of “holy shit” melt down.

4:00 turned to 6:00 and no change. Sweat beads are starting to form on my brow. Then it happens. “Flicker” all electrical power is lost. No TV NO COLD BEER!

Fuck this, I am springing into action! “Thats it I’m talking to a manager.” I make my way back down to the lobby, chat up the assistant manager and explain how paying a pretty weekend premium room rate and not being able to shower or take a shit for going on three and four hours is bordering on unacceptable. We needed to start talking rate reduction, and comps but most importantly rectifying the situation as fast as possible. I don’t beat her up that bad because after all its not her fault its the power company. Plus really there was more cold beer on the boat and I just needed some quick refuge from the rapidly pissed off honey badger Talisa upstairs for sneaking the only known shower in the Bahamas a mere few hours ago.

7:00 ish rolls around, management moves us into a comparable room down stairs where hot water will return quicker when the power resumes. We get all our crap moved down, look at the clock its nearing 8:00 pm and “Flicker” power returns. Talisa and Rayna head in and get showers finally.

As I tell you all this, and as I have thought about this scenario the last few days, it occurs to me, this was and is more then likely perfectly normal. Bahamians much like every other Caribbean Island residents are essentially on “Island time”.

Power is at best mediocre in the Bahamas. In fact I picture some nuclear power plant with a Rastafarian Homer Simpson at the controls. Power is out to half the island? No problems my friend, we be workin’ on it!

That was Friday. Saturday we head out and check some “spots” and do some fishing. Weather was a little overcast and clearing. We caught a bunch a fish, seven or eight lobsters and came back to the hotel with enough food for a decent meal. Power was restored for the moment, and as soon as we got the boat tied to the dock, Talisa and her niece bolted right for the room and a shower first. Lessons learned and all that I guess. Kenny and I shrugged, and started cleaning fish and making dinner.

Sunday, our last day over, we got up and packed up the boat and checked out. Get a reasonable discount on the room for the weekend and we head back out. The weather Sunday was picture perfect and as is the normal procedure we hunt lobster all the way home. Ok not all the way but we damn sure spend a good portion of the day getting our share. Getting our share we did in just a few short hours.

Where we were diving for lobster was anywhere from 10′ to 20′ of water. In the Bahamas you are permitted to free dive and use a Hawaiian sling type spear to take lobster. Up to this point its been a few years since I have seriously gone after lobster in this fashion. I was rather surprised at first how I had to work to get down 15′ to 20′ on a breath of air and the 30 or 40 seconds I could realistically work down there before turning blue and drowning in an untimely death. As the day wore on and I stretched my lungs out more and more things got more comfortable. At least when Talisa wasn’t bum rushing my lobsters in her greedy zeal to kick my ass in the water. That damn girl can swim and hunt is all I am going to say and she is not scared. Its funny, then ego crushing, but in the end its all good.

We got into a rhythm whenever we would come into an area with lobster where I’d let her go down and stir up the hornets nest so to speak. I’d watch a few lobsters try and make an escape. While Talisa was heading to the top I’d go down and pick off and murder what was left or what she may have missed. In no time we were cleaning up an area like a bunch of strip miners in an Al Gore coal mine.

After a while it was time to head home. We pointed the boat west gunned the motors and headed back to the polluted and toxic Indian River Lagoon. We’re the greatest nation in the world, sent a man to walk on the moon, yet we can’t as a nation manage a lake’s level of water without destroying our own natural habitat and resources. Why? It’s all because some scumbag sugar farmers stroke big $$$ checks to cocksucker politicians. Sugar subsidized by the US taxpayer for all you keeping score at home on your “we’re getting fucked by the South Florida Water Management District” bingo card.

But thats a story for another time.

Let ‘er rip, tater chips.

The lord gaveth so the dinner club tooketh!

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Whew! Another weekend has come and gone much too fast as is the normal routine. This weekend was a rather productive one for me which always makes me happy but just adds to the speed in which the weekends intended purpose to “slow down and relax” eludes me.

As I have chronicled in this blog at numerous times, there is a group of my friends and I that get together from time to time to host a dinner club of sorts. Nothing fancy. One of us will host a dinner in rather then going out to eat. We have a bunch of decent cooks among us each with some unique flair. This weekend the dinner club had a modified meet up. I’ll explain.

Snapper Trigerfish

 

Lobster season in Florida is coming up in August. A few of my friends and I over the last couple of weekends have lets just say, been preparing by scouting out prime locations in the waters lets just say around Florida. While doing our “homework” yesterday we also did a little fishing.

Before we knew it we had a cooler full of edible fish. Mutton Snapper, YellowTail Snapper, Triggerfish, and there may or may not have been some other fish which I can not recall the exact name but I think it rhymed with stupor or hooper or looper.  Whats the difference? It’s not important. It swam in the ocean. God put the animals on the earth for you and me to eat. Like good stewards of the planet, we only took what we could eat. Never wasteful and always respectful. Leave the place better then what you found it in for the next person to enjoy. Yea thats the ticket.

There is something extra satisfying when you go out and hunt for your meal. It also doesn’t get much better as far as eating or fresh and healthy. It’s one thing when friends get together, cook and share a meal. Its just another added bonus when those same friends can, do and enjoy going out on gods earth, stalking, hunting, and harvesting those animals to cook. So yesterday the lord gaveth, and the dinner club tooketh. We tooketh like a mofo with smiles and happy stomaches.

Dinner Club1

In the coming weeks I suspect there will be more updates to the modified dinner club meeting up and sharing a meal primarily made up with fresh examples of the earths bounty.

We’re a rather dynamic group of people which makes these times special. Conversations around the table range from beautiful eye colors we have been blessed with, to someones malfunctioning tonsils and her daily routine in its rather unsettling maintenance. In the end its laughs and the good life.

Edit: Names, faces, places, events, have been changed and have no relationship to any living person, place or thing and any similarities to real or actual people or events are purely coincidental. At no time were protected animals harmed and all state, federal and international laws observed.

Oh look a pirate just flew out of my ass.

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

She said what?

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paulaBy now we all know the brouhaha that has surrounded the famed celebrity cook, restauranteur, and shitty pots and pans shill Paula Deen. Thirty years ago she admittedly confessed to her at the time husband about referring to the man that held a gun to her head while working as a bank teller during an armed robbery as a “nigger”.

This shocking revelation was discovered during a sworn deposition regarding an ongoing law suite in which Deen and her brother are defendants.

I am not shocked how the mainstream media has handled this revelation. However it is interesting how the general public has taken the contextually and inaccurately drawn conclusions about Paula Deen’s past use of the obligatory N-bomb. The media and simpleton public have somehow come to the conclusion that Paula Deen referring to the black man that could have killed her, who forcefully and illegally exerted his will on her with a firearm during the commission of a crime as a “nigger” that she is somehow now labeled a racist and something worse then Hitler, the KKK or a run of the mill skin head neo-nazi.

I live in the south. I have grown up in the south. I am well aware of the roots and origin of the N-word. I know of its derogatory nature towards a group of people and its negative connotations. I am somewhat educated, have traveled all over this country and a good chunk of this planet. I have interacted with in both my professional and personal life people of color. Black, Yellow, White, Mulatto, you name it. Although I have never met any gypsy fortune tellers with three nipples. Pretty much the rest of the population however I can mark off the bingo card.

Everyone knows the word “nigger” is offensive and has no place in everyday speech.

In my life I have heard the word “nigger” used many times. I realized it wasn’t because I lived in the south, or associated with bigots. I can honestly say I have heard the word more times then not from the mouths of blacks themselves. Educated blacks, all the way down to the lowest common denominator homeless blacks on the street. Blacks in south, in the north, USA blacks, all the way to African blacks who never saw an electric light, who USA blacks would say, “goddamn Africa is home and where we’re from but “F” this is some backwoods shit.”

My question is if the word “nigger” is so abominably offensive to blacks and an outright cardinal sin for a caucasian to utter, then why does the black community use the word so freely amongst themselves?

Rap lyrics in the last twenty years? Eddie Murphy? Richard Pryor? Hollywood, Friday, Next Friday, Friday after Next movies? Overheard any three blacks talking to each other when they think no one else can hear? Or hell when three blacks talk to each other and don’t care who else can hear? Give me three black people, thirty minutes and I will guarantee you with the last cent to my name, any number of “nigger, niggas, negros” and as sure as i am typing this rather culturally controversial blog post a “shit mothafucka” as sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west each and every day.

I have heard and experienced these same “nigger” and derivative word usage by blacks essentially all over the world, in all cultures, religions, educational, financial and fiscal levels of black existence. Argue all you want that I may be stereotyping a small segment of the black community to represent the whole. I simply do not agree and it has not been my empirical experience.

Do not misunderstand me, please. I do not suggest or condone the common usage of the world “nigger” by Paula Deen or anyone else for that matter. However I do feel it rather hypocritical of any person or organization to pass judgement on anyone that may have used the word at some time in their life, when the majority of the segment of the people the word is targeted to offend is freely using the word amongst themselves in relative everyday language.

I should fully disclose and although I am not under oath but for the mere journalistic  integrity of this blog post I have used the word “nigger”. Actually I better just come clean with all the bad words I have used.

  1. Nigger
  2. Honkey
  3. Chink
  4. Towel Head
  5. Gook
  6. Kike
  7. Cunt
  8. Cocksucker
  9. MotherFucker
  10. Jackoff
  11. Retard
  12. Dickhead
  13. Wetback
  14. Beaner
  15. Window Licker
  16. Pie Face
  17. Bitch
  18. Faggot
  19. Fag
  20. Shitdick
  21. Shithead
  22. Scumbag
  23. Fuckface
  24. Dumbass
  25. Douchebag

These are just the worlds I have either used to describe a person or relate a completely inappropriate off color joke. This week.

Guess what? I have been called everyone of those words at some point in my life. By my mother, father, brothers, ex-girlfriends, current girlfriends, blacks, whites, preachers, nuns, senators, congressmen, strippers, and the occasional Jehovahs Witnesses on a Saturday morning at my front door.

I have used the word ‘nigger” yes. I am not proud of that fact but I have. I have also been down in the dirt and sand with a black man in a fighting hole next to me not knowing what the next hours were going to bring to either of us, but he was my friend and I would have killed someone or died myself defending him and I know he would have done the same for me.

You see I can tell a dirty joke. I can laugh at a dirty joke. If you’re a cocksucker I’ll call you a cocksucker. The color of your skin when I meet you means nothing to me. Its your character and your actions towards me that I judge you on. I expect nothing less in return.

Could Paula Deen have used a different word describing the man that took from her and could have killed her? Sure she could have. Was the man that did those things during that bank robbery what Paula Deen called him? In my opinion you bet your ass he was. I’d have called him the same thing if it happened to me tomorrow much less thirty years ago. The difference is I didn’t make $17 million dollars last year. Paula Deen did.

You see the word “nigger” really isn’t that offensive to anyone truth be told. Unless you got a lot of something to lose and you’re white. You see if Paula Deen made any mistake by using the word “nigger” thirty years ago describing the man that robbed her at gun point, its that she didn’t use the same word to describe the white woman who Paula and her brother had to fire from their restaurants for cause and is now bringing this law suite against them. Because frankly she deserves to be called one too as much as the man that robbed Paula 30 years ago. They are both doing the exact same thing, only one used a gun and the other is trying to use the legal system.

Lets be honest here. Had the woman who is suing Paula and her brother Bubba worked for Patrick and Gina Neely (whom are black, and were discovered and owe their food network fame to Paula Deen) was fired and then brought a law suite against the them on the basis the Neelys called some white woman a honky 30 years ago for not paying for some BBQ ribs do you think it would be national news?

Food for thought. <———pun

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

It’s been a while

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It’s been awhilelucillelight
Since I couldn’t
Hold my head up high
And it’s been awhile
Since I said, “I’m sorry”

A year ago tomorrow I lost my Golden Retriever, Lucille to cancer. The hows and whys have been discussed and documented in this blog over the last year so I wont bore the audience with rehashing of the past.

I have been thinking about this approaching anniversary with mixed emotions. I wont lie its been mostly dread and sadness. Dread and sadness because I find myself slowly forgetting the small things about the dog. Her smell, her soft fur, how she would follow or look at me when I talked to her or her paws smelling like Fritos. The tangible things we take for granted. I’ll always carry her memory in my heart and mind, but the small things with time slip away.

I have rescued a couple or new dogs since Lucille has left, and while I have just as much an attachment to them as I did to her, its not the same. I didn’t hold these dogs at a week old. While I know both these new dogs are as happy and content to be here with me now, and the happiness I have in looking at them in their gratified lives there are times I still miss Lucille and wish she was here. All in all I guess I am right where I expected to be mentally a year later. I give myself a C+ or 73%

It’s also been a while since I posted up any McAwesome recipes over in the food section. Well fear not, its summer and its BBQ season. I have been experimenting on brisket and ribs these last few weeks.

BBQ is such a subjective issue with people. It doesn’t matter if I made ribs, chicken, or whatever standing next to Jesus H. Christ himself and my food was touched by the hand of the son of God. People are generally particular about what they consider good BBQ and thats BBQ that they make themselves or were raised eating.

Another reason this is true is because with the exception of a very few restaurants across this country making and selling true low and slow BBQ for profit is a no win proposition. To properly smoke a brisket takes 12-15 hours. Ribs 5-7 hours. Pulled pork 10 hours. So most restaurants cheat the BBQ and cook these meats conventionally in a more expeditious manner to remain profitable. This is the biggest reason when you go out to eat BBQ why its generally just ok. Nothing to knock your socks off or better then what you have done yourself at home following the most traditional BBQ cooking methods.

Well I have been playing around with my ribs recipe. Both my spare and baby back loin ribs and I am making and eating ribs in less then one hour and twenty minutes start to finish. If you didn’t see how I do it, I could put the ribs up with any restaurants and frankly enter them into BBQ contests and Im sure half those idiot judges would passing grade them.

I’ll put a rib recipe up in a few days with the trick. There will be true BBQ enthusiast controversy involved in the manner in which I get them done so quick, but then you can ask yourself, “Do I want ribs like within an hour or do I want to plan an entire day around them?”

Let me get this next part out of the way for the NSA and Uncle Sam in case they are reading along too. “Eat my ass!”

Nothing is private anymore folks. If you don’t want others knowing your business don’t put it out there.

That’s about the size of things. It’s a new day and a new week.

Let ‘er rip tater chips!

Whadda ya want from me?

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IMG_0091“One dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way, and this guy is sayin’, ‘Whadda ya want from me?'”
-Goodfellas

Hello loyal readers, hello world, hello Monday. Before we get going too far, let me first apologize for the content slow down at the Whats Up Brock empire. Sometimes life, work, or writers block gets the better of any of us and we slow down a bit. I wouldn’t necessarily say I have suffered from writers block or have nothing to say, but from time to time I look back at some of my writing trends and I add up the “Fucks, Politics, Religion or Vagina” posts and think maybe I should take a nap and come back with something fresh. I Don’t want to post just to post just to post. I believe in the have something to say, then say it but don’t bore people and be repetitive. Or something like that. Who needs rules when you’re at the top of the food chain?

Speaking of food chain. This past Friday I was fortunate to meet up with some close friends and start a new annual tradition. Good low country crawfish boil.

I have had crawfish many times in the past via restaurants here and there over the years. To really enjoy crawfish as much as any self respecting Louisiana Cajun you need to cook a metric shit ton of ’em, and sit around eating them outside in the company of friends. We did this and it was excellent. DSC_0378

I had brought this idea up to a good friend of mine this past fall. Crawfish season is in the spring, and that for anyone not living within driving distance to Louisiana can go online and buy and have shipped overnight live fresh crawfish to their door.

I was literally a day away from putting in an online order to Louisiana to have 30lbs of fresh crawfish shipped in. Now you may be thinking 30lbs of crawfish is a lot. How much does that cost and who are you feeding? Believe it or not 30lbs of crawfish shipped to your door isn’t terribly expensive at about $160. Furthermore 30lbs of crawfish isn’t a lot in regards to amount one has to eat. 30lbs is actually the smallest amount you should buy. Specifically 30lbs of crawfish is enough to feed about 10-12 people or 2 Cajuns as my friend Allen and I proved.

But….

We didn’t ship these in overnight. The day before I was going to order them, my friend Allen, knew some folks that were driving up to Louisiana for a vacay and he gave them a cooler and some cash and viola we had 30lbs of live crawfish at our door for less then half the cost of having them flown via FedEx. 30lbs of crawfish $60. Oh and before I forget, live fresh crawfish will live about 4-5 days no problem in a cooler. So if you live within a days drive of Louisiana and you know someone going that way in the spring time, give them a cooler and some cash, you wont regret it.

There are many ways to cook crawfish. Steamed, boiled, you name it. Some add potatoes, corn, onion, garlic, lemon, sausage, spice packs. We elected to do a traditional boil, or a modified traditional boil. Some will add the sausage and vegetables in with the crawfish while they cook but we elected to boil the crawfish first, remove to a cooler then cook the potatoes, corn, sausage alone in the water. The reason is the sausage will render off the fat  and grease while it cooks and this way you don’t get all your crawfish oily and greasy. At least that was our reasoning and it worked out well.

When all is said and done, you get some friends together around a table, lay down some newspaper, then pile up the cooked goodness in the center of the table and go to town. Theres the whole pinch the tail, suck the head thing and I have to tell you its glorious. IMG_0928

Now what you see on the table here was the first pile of about five, ten of us together went through. Well let me rephrase that. This was the first pile that ten of us ate, then there was about four more piles of about this size that Allen and I went through with shit eating grins and pure culinary bliss.

Everyone enjoyed the crawfish some more then others. Its a lot of work for a little succulent tail meat. However its camaraderie around the table with friends that is the main ingredient being shared and enjoyed the most.

We all sat down and enjoyed the first heap of crawfish. Some ate the corn and potatoes and sausage, I think I tried some sausage. After that first heap, Allen and I looked at each other saw that everyone else happily tried some and then we got down to business with a five gallon bucket between us for the shells and we wiped out about about 25 of the 30lbs between us. Really 30lbs of crawfish isn’t a lot. There is only about a bite of tail meat and juice in the body region. The rest gets thrown away. I wasn’t even full. Well actually I was happily full but not “oh god, I pigged out and ate too much full.” Online when ordering crawfish sites will state normal people will eat about 2lbs each but figure about 10lbs for a Cajun. Allen and I proved this is true as we passed the Cajun mark and happily headed into Troy Landry “shoot ’em” territory.

Allen and I pretty much committed this activity to a once a year tradition and depending on who we invite next time, we’ll pretty much ensure the two of us will easily eat 15lbs each and then we’ll add more for any other guests. Its a good time and an easy way to get folks together around a table for good food.

There was cake, pie, brownies / blondies, pulled pork there too, and I tried a bit of each, but I will have to be honest this inaugural event was about the almighty crustaceans.

If you like shrimp, lobster, or other assorted seafood I venture a guess you’ll love crawfish.

Let ‘er rip tater chips.